After days of snapping accurate snapshots into the library of his own streaming service, HBO Max, The CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery David Zaslav killed today. Talk to investors, Zaslav disclosure For Q2 earnings, call plans to combine HBO Max and Discovery+ into one big, mushy content sphere, consolidate there won’t be any Bat girl movies on it.
Be honest: It’s never been great, PR wise, when the graphics or language from these types of earnings call for — their nature. boil all art and entertainment into a financial mess credits and reviews are included in The Investors’ always-desired maw — make it gen-pop for wider discussion. But Zaslav’s presentation caused some particular mockery online todayspecial for a slide intended to show the difference between two streams service that will now be bridged by their coming unholy lays eggs.
HBO Max, we are told, is “male”, “script”, “based on”, “watch date,” and of course, “home of the fandom.” Discovery+, meanwhile, is “women skewed”, “not depicted”, “reclining”, “watching at ease” and “home of the same genes”—which we are pretty sure is when a classic sci-fi novel hits ol’ sexy jeans and give youhristian gray treatment. The thing “fandom” versus “genredom” is almost impossible to understand, but we understand that people most of won’t roast missed so bad if Zaslav didn’t start with the whole “male skewer” versus “female skewer”—especially since a) we can name any number of HBO Max shows with passionate female audiences (and vice versa for Discovery+) and, b), all descriptions for Discovery+ seem to be precisely designed to annoy any die-hard fans of pop culture, such as those genuinely interested in the poor streaming service, your illness, David.
Zaslav also posted a slide among various content from the paired streaming services, including a “franchise” entry that includes Harry Potter, the DC Superhero movies and of course, 90 days fiancé Universe, a vast cosmology of TV productions about marrying people in less time than most people spend on toothbrushes. (Wait, should we change our toothbrushes more often?)
Which is mostly dumb, but not necessarily A lazy person. But never fear: Zaslav was a slide for that, too. Specifically, he described all the alleged crimes of losing money caused by his predecessors, including CNN+ (was now also included in Discover +). Humdinger, as it is, is this line item (emphasis ours): “Additional spending approved for projects with uncertain financial returns consists of Children & AnimationCNN+, certain Turner originals, and select feature films go directly to HBO Max.) God forbid the studio to spend money on TV or movies with “uncertain financial returns,” but don’t worry. : Zaslav has a solution. Here’s a quick tip, kids: If someone tells their investors they’re “restructuring” your “content portfolio,” it might be time to prepare some cover letters. job. The company’s chief financial officer later confirmed on the call that a large number of the company’s kids and Animation projects have been in tight blocks.
Amid all the carnage, Zaslav and his team also set a timeline for the unification of the two services: We can expect them to relaunch as a single entity in Summer. 2023, no name or price announced. The hybrid service is expected to launch in both ad-free and ad-supported forms.